Scheduling Makes Me Want to Drink. A Lot.

I now understand why retail managers lock themselves in their offices when they make the next week's schedule. I also understand why many businesses rely upon a consistent schedule for their employees. I've come to wonder how any business can function while "playing it by ear" when scheduling.

STBD has a cast of 20, give or take a few minor roles. We have two regular locations we'll be filming in this season (WQED, which doubles as the WANT radio station, and the Affogato coffee shop in Bellevue), but we also film all over the city of Pittsburgh as the story requires (or as opportunities present themselves). This means figuring out when and where we can film is kind of like playing The Telephone Game with 40 people while swallowing knives.

I've considered solving this quandary using various means, including:

-- only filming in one location
-- cutting the cast down to a maximum of 6 people, and
-- quitting and becoming a salesman

None of those seems like an adequate solution, so I've gone with the next-best compromise: Recurring Shooting Days. For the cast who primarily appear in WANT, we'll set aside two evenings a week to dedicate to WANT-based scenes. Affogato? Same rule applies. That way I can more easily slide in the "incidental" shoots at, say, a rogue charity auction or strip club on the other, "free" days.

Makes sense in black and white, right? I think so. My fingers are crossed that it works.

Besides, nothing could make less sense than my current habit of juggling a score of schedules in iCal:


Click for asininely enlarged view.
Of course, all of this would be easier if the cast were getting paid, so please, feel free to donate to our cause. Or buy a t-shirt.

STBD Goes TROMA with Lloyd Kaufman

From L to R: Kevin Ford, Will Guffey, Justin Kownacki, John O'Connor, CrystalAnn, Lloyd Kaufman, The Toxic Avenger and a Chicken Zombie.

If you've heard of The Toxic Avenger, then you know who Lloyd Kaufman is. He's the mastermind -- and we don't use that term lightly -- behind the TROMA films empire. Hitting upon a winning formula 30 years ago -- boobs + blood + comedy -- Kaufman has been responsible for such classics as "Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD," "Tromeo and Juliet" and all of the Toxic Avenger flicks.

Now he's also a satellite member of STBD.

CrystalAnn, one of our new cast members for the upcoming 4th season of Something to Be Desired, was also recently in a film called "Meat for Satan's Icebox," which TROMA picked up for distribution. When Lloyd Kaufman came to Pittsburgh to promote the release of the new Toxic Avenger novel (!), CrystalAnn pitched him on the idea of making a cameo on STBD and he accepted. The rest, as they say, is history... or it will be, once the footage is edited.

That sequence will be used as a trailer for our fourth season later this summer. In the meantime, we'll just bask in the glory of standing THIS CLOSE to the man who shepherded a film called "Poultrygeist" to the big screen.

STBD Racks Up Frequent Flier Miles

Right now, at least half of the STBD cast is involved in at least one other film production or stage show, so getting more than two people in the same room is an interesting creative challenge.

Adding to the mix is the thrill of international travel. Ann Turiano (Caroline) will be returning from 9 months in London next week, a day after Clare Fogerty (Chloe) leaves for a month in Dublin. You'd think we'd have a European spinoff by now.

In the meantime, you can catch Clare in live performances of Oedipus Rex through Saturday, June 24th.

Photo of Clare by Hans Rosemond.

STBD Season Four: We're Back to Work!

Dex and Chloe on the lawn at Schenley Plaza
Saturday afternoon, the first scene was filmed for Something to Be Desired's upcoming fourth season. This means only one thing: we're at it again! To see an excerpt of the scene, click here -- NOT WORK SAFE DIALOGUE!

Kevin Koch (Dex) and Clare Fogerty (Chloe) met up at the new Schenley Plaza alongside the Cathedral of Learning in Oakland and performed a brief scene involving an issue of Cosmo and a bottle of suntan lotion. It's no Hamlet, but it's our way of easing back into the swing of a regular filming schedule.

Considering Kevin and Clare are each in a live theatre show currently running in town -- Kevin's in School for Scandal and Clare's in rehearsals for Oedipus Rex next week -- it was also good for them to some practice in before they forget who their alter egos are.

One complaint: I somehow managed to get a parking ticket. There's no mystery involved -- I just didn't pay the meter box -- but this happened to be the third time in a month that I've walked up to my car as the ticket was being issued. The first time, downtown, the meter maid took pity on me and erased the ticket since I paid the meter a quarter. The second time, on Craig Street in Oakland, the guy was not interested in my quarters and handed me the ticket instead. Today I cheerfully greeted the meter maid as she was printing my ticket, knowing arguments were futile. She was confused. She also left the ticket on my windshield, even though I was standing right there. Interesting habits, these meter readers...

I wonder if parking tickets can be written off come tax time...

Also of note: there were three actors dressed as walking statues, complete with glitter body paint, wandering VERY SLOWLY around the periphery of the lawn. Kevin thought they were fascinating and snapped several pictures. I was more dubious, especially when one started pulling the other behind him in a cart, but performance art is an acquired taste for a reason...

We'll be filming several days a week for the next three months, so stay tuned for ongoing updates!

If You're Staring at Someone's Chest...

... you might as well have something to read!

GET THE NEW STBD T! ONLY $18 + S/H!

CLICK HERE TO ORDER NOW!
(Please indicate SIZE [S-XXL])
Please allow up to 3 weeks for delivery

(( Who are these models, you might ask? Jennifer and Hans are two of our new cast members for the upcoming Season Four of STBD! You can catch a glimpse of their work during a recent improvisation rehearsal here -- but be forewarned: this is raw, unedited video, not the polished STBD stuff. [You can hear a microphone being plugged in around the 1:00 mark.] NOT WORK SAFE! ))

The STBD Cast Spills the Beans

Chris Brogan has a new interview up with Will Guffey (Leo), Shaun Cameron Hall (Dean) and Ann Turiano (Caroline), in which they discuss the making of STBD from an actor's point of view. Interesting stuff. This is the first of a two-part interview, with the remainder to be posted shortly.

Chris is also a very handy guy to have around for productivity and efficiency purposes; he's a regular contributor to Lifehack.org, which is a mecca for people seeking to streamline their lives and get more done in less time. And he likes STBD, so that helps.

No Soup for Us

The results are in regarding the past month's application to the Sprout Fund. STBD was being considered for a $10,000 grant.

We didn't get it.

Nor did new STBD cast member (and excellent photographer) Hans Rosemond, whose Art Starved? project is getting off the ground this month.

Who did? We're not sure. Since the grants aren't an "either-or" thing, but a "yes-no" thing, it's actually possible no one got a grant this month. The $250,000 or so that Sprout has to work with will be doled out in due time, presumably to the deserving.

Nevertheless, no fear. STBD (and Art Starved?) will carry on as normal, secure in the knowledge that, although we don't currently offer an experience the powers-that-be consider to be worth an influx of cash, we enjoy our work and will continue to improve and keep ourselves afloat through alternate means.

Besides, when someone says "no," there are really only two responses: saying "thanks anyway" and slinking away in shame, or saying "thanks anyway" and then doing what you were going to do without them. There's a certain satisfaction in succeeding despite the expectations of others. And here at STBD, we're big on ignoring conventional wisdom.

After all, it wasn't so long ago that people were asking us, "Why would you put video online?"